To Those who Refuse to Call it Hate

“Hate the sin but love the sinner” I've seen that all over facebook lately regarding homosexuality. They claim they hate “sin” of homosexuality but not the person who is homosexual. They claim that it's not hate speech. But I disagree being gay is just as much a part of who I am as being white or female or a writer is. I can't separate my sexuality from everything else so if you hate the fact that I'm a lesbian you hate me.

I can't change that and I'm not going to try because you'll fall back on your religion even though you refuse to acknowledge all the other laws that are conveniently ignored. I'm not gonna argue I'm just gonna accept that if you hate the “sin” of homosexuality you hate me. It's that simple you can't hate part of me without hating all.

Pam Hartley

Mydnyght Vampire

3/28/2013

Me and Otep holding my now autographed copy of her very first book of poetry 'Caught Screaming' at Downtown Music in Little Rock AR on 3/16/13 

Incredible show. I finally got my voice back and am ready to do it again.

Actually I was ready to do it again when I couldn't speak above a whisper.

The revolution is here and she is the center. 

I'm just a boy... no wait a girl... no wait that's not right either.... fuck does it matter

I walk down the isles, and can hear them talking. "Is it a boy or girl?" They debate this as though I'm deaf.

Teenage girls seem to think I'm the new cute boy in town. I run quickly away from this.

To all this I shake my head and slip into the woman's room. I get a few strange looks but, it seems as though it's my lucky day. No one asks if i'm in the wrong place.  Pleased I do my business and venture back out to the whispers they think I can't hear and the glances they think I miss.

They call me emo which I am quick to deny. I've been Goth all my life and refused to be labeled otherwise. I find it insulting but, maybe that's their intent.

They call me dyke when they figure out I'm not a man. Of this I can hardly deny though I prefer Queer or lesbian much classier I think.

Though I love screwing with perceptions of gender I mostly dress the way I do for comfort.  Most of the time I don't deliberately try to appear male. In fact I don't try to be anything but me. And that is a woman who hates women's clothes.

I don't understand why in this day and age people think gender needs to be plainly defined and stated.

Don't get me wrong I wish teenage girls would stop looking at me like I'm next on the menu, Because I'm not even close to interested for reasons beyond jailbait.

However the way I look and who I love should not cause me to be constantly on guard. But, it does.

Every time I leave my house I expect to be attacked, assaulted, raped, or even murdered.

Not because I'm a bad person

I'm not a drug dealer

I'm not an abuser

I'm not a rapist, a child molester, or gang member.

I'm not a monster

I'm just me

A writer, a poet, a artist, a activist, and a lesbian who hates women's clothes (on me I love them on other women and some men.)

And I fear for my safety every day 

Churches out number gas stations 10 to 1

And in a country where

Homosexuals are being murdered

Driven to suicide and bullied in schools

Is it any wonder I'm afraid?

I'm always amazed when I make it home at the end of the day, without being physically or verbally assaulted. And I'm surprised that there hasn't yet been a burning cross in my yard.

One day I fear I won't be so lucky.

So I stay away from bars and clubs and all the other things people my age do.

Not because I don't want to go have a drink once in awhile and have fun.

But, because I won't put myself into such a dangerous situation.

I live in fear

In constant readiness to defend myself

But I don't show it

I refuse to be considered a victim an easy mark.

Make no mistake I will not go down easy

I will fight back

I will leave marks

I will break bones

I live fear but I am not afraid because I won't be a victim of hate. 

Mydnyght Vampire

PKH 

3/12/13

An Ode to the Muse

I’m a slave to the muse

She controls what I write

My hands go crazy

When she takes flight

Words are my sanity

With books I am free

Music is my religion

Church is always in session

Human masters have no hope

I only bow to that which inspires me

You can’t control that which

Can’t be seen

I don’t control the muse 

She controls me

I’m a slave to the muse

But it doesn’t bother me

The words are true

Dark as they may be

Words have power 

That money can’t buy

And with that power

We live to defy

That which tries to bring us down

Make us less than what we are

The power of words 

Makes us strong

Listen to the muse

Find your voice

Take your stand

Art is war

And we are the front lines

State your place

Join the Tribe

Together we’ll win

For we far out number them

I’m a slave to the muse

But that’s okay

Because Art Saves

And words never go away

Mydnyght Vampire

PKH

3/9/13

Final Words

In my final words
To you who cost me so much
I find I must remind you
That all is not forgiven
But you will always regret

You will always be a stain upon my past
Forgotten, thrown away
But I will always be a black stain upon your soul
Festering, Feeding, Growing
You will become an occasional nightmare
Forgotten upon awakening 
But I will always be there, reminding you of broken vows, betrayals, and lies
Terrorizing, tormenting 
You will have no power over me
I am to strong to hear you 
I will haunt your every move
Stalking, watching, waiting 
My demons will no longer include you
You have been exorcised. 
But your demons will forever include me
Taunting, reminding, scarring, screaming 
My soul will have peace
You have no place here 
Good luck with yours
For even now that black stain grows 

Now I say Goodbye
One last time
And Remind you
That you aren't
Welcome in any part of my life
But good luck exorcising me from yours. 


Mydnyght Vampire
PKH
3/9/13

Lies 2

I delved inside
The mysteries of your lies
And found myself
On the attack
Unwilling any longer
To submit to fear
I was ready for the fight

But I found 
Much to my surprise
That there was no 
Battle to be had
Apparently victory was
Mine all along

Your defeat
Was so simple, it seemed
You were weaker than 
I knew

And now I realize
I don't need to be the
Cause of your fall
Because in the end
You are your own
Worst enemy 
And I am just another 
Weight on the stones
That are
Pulling you under


Mydnyght Vampire
PKH
3/9/13

Lies 1

I've delved inside

The mysteries of your lies

And found myself

Hiding... Terrified

Lost inside 

Scared to move

Nothing's safe

No where to move

The demons are coming

To afraid to fight

Wake me please from

This

Eternal Night

Mydnyght Vampire

PKH

3/9/13

Vengeance of Words

Vengeance is almost here

The day will come

You will be on your knees

Pleading to be set free

Begging me to let you be

But I will just smile and say

You created me

I’m the creature that

Rose from the ashes of your lies

I am the demon that consumes your soul

I am the nightmares that will not subside

I will not set you free

I will not let you be

You forfeit that right

I will torture

I will terrorize

I will make you beg for death

But will not grant even that request

I am what you made me

And you will suffer for your sins

Do you regret yet?

I am stronger than you

I am darker then you could ever imagine

I will never stop

Stalking, hunting, torturing

There is nowhere you can hide

I will find you

I will make you pay

The time is drawing near

The end is near

Once I have done

What has been done to me

You will hurt

You will cry

You will scream

You will want to die

You WILL BREAK

And never be able to put

The pieces back in place

Oh yes you will suffer for the payment of your sins

Mydnyght Vampire

PKH

3/8/13

Inspired partly by Otep